Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
