It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
