So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
