She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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