Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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