there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
