I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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