If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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