I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
