just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
