I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
