oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
