she woke up with a sticky ear
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
