Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Congratulations! We have a period
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