Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
