I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
