have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
