Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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