peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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