Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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