DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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