So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
