She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
