Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i believe in u and ur pee
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
