did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
