She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
