I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
