I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
