I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
