Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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