Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
