I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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