yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
