I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
