Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
