We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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