I cannot find my penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
