i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
