The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
