Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
time to smoke my breakfast
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
