Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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