4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
