sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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