Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
