We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
did you just send me my own nude
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
