she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
