If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
