Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
