I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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