the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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