listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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