11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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