We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
