Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
