its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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