found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
